This Really Happened...
The other day I got out of the shower and walked the six steps to my sink and started brushing my teeth wrapped up in my robe, with a towel around my hair. I looked down and saw my razor and knew that I needed to get that back in the shower where it belonged because I would need it the next time I was in there.
I stood there staring at it as I brushed my teeth and thought, eh- I don't feel like it. Then I imagined myself scurrying out of the shower, cold, wet and naked so I could grab my razor and how I could avoid all of that if I just moved the razor right then and there.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO IT RIGHT NOW! Alma, this is what resistance feels like, just feel it coursing through your veins telling you that lifting this razor up and walking six steps back to the shower is a pain in the ass right now and you don't want to do it. Listen to yourself.
So I picked up the razor and walked it back to the shower. Five seconds is all it took and the day I needed the razor, I applauded myself for taking those five seconds because now I wasn't inconvenienced.
But it had filled up two whole minutes of my life with pure angst. It was like resistance and I were sitting across from the table from another both staring at a razor in the middle of the table just discussing it. But it didn't end there, no resistance doesn't play like that. The razor is where it showed it's face, but it didn't back off that easily just because I put the razor back in it's rightful place.
Should I be concerned about myself? Is this normal?
How often in the past week or month you felt, sorta, lost?
This feeling like you don't know what's up, you don't know what's down, you don't know where you are in relation to anything really.
You're just kinda lost, out of sorts. Wondering what you're next move should be, if their should even be a move? Maybe you should just sit and wait for a move to come to you?
You know that feeling, have you had that experience? Or am I alone in this? I don't think it's the latter.
Creativity Comes and Creativity Goes
Just two weeks ago, I was swimming in everything creative, like I was in the jaws of it and it was all I could do to keep me and creativity above water, not to take too much on so that we would sink below the surface and lose air and perhaps each other.
It felt exhilarating and I fought to stay ahead of it, in a good way. It felt like the tree breaking free from the nut, creating roots deep in the earth, at the same time as it reached for the sky. Thrusted forward, ever forward, by a force that I couldn't see, touch, or smell-it just was.
Then, overnight-it must have been overnight because I don't remember it happening, I'm not aware of it getting up and leaving-it let go.
I woke up alone. The force was gone. Creativity went with it. And the next thing I know I'm left debating, should I move the razor now or later?
Things That Could Help
This makes me think about my tools-none of which I have used this week.
1. Accept where you're at. In my case, a crap ton of resistance.
2. Always know where you are headed. Create a vision and then reverse engineer it and do what it takes to get there-day, after day, after day. Be forewarned, that if you constantly change your visions it makes it difficult to achieve any of them. You'll be constantly moving but never really getting anywhere.
3. Schedule, if it's not scheduled it's not real. Could have you used this one last week-for sure.
4. Then show up and do the work, even when you don't feel like it. This one I'm executing right now.
I Haven't Stopped...and neither should you
I'm writing this because you and me we have this thing we do on Mondays. I write, send you an email, and you open this up and find something that makes you want to tackle your week, dig into your life and live your dream.
So what's the lesson this week, a week where I didn't feel like I was following my own dreams. What can I offer you, that will help you leave with some comfort?
Well first off, everything is transitional. Nothing is stagnant. Nothing is permanent. Only impermanence and change are true and reliable.
So I don't believe I'll be alone without this force and without creativity by my side forever. Who knows, perhaps my neighbor, or some guy in the next town over is creating something so amazing that all the genies and the magic they work with had to split. Maybe it's the cure for cancer.
Hell, I don't know. But I know they'll be back and I'll be here when they arrive.
Oh, and the second thing I've got for you is this...I still showed up.
If after this week of feeling lost and wondering ceaselessly about what my next move should be, like whether or not I should move the razor, I can still show up and write to you then you can show up and do your thing too.
It'll suck and feel really hard, but in the end it's always worth it. Like that moment in the shower when I thanked myself for moving the damn razor, and happily shaved my legs without any hassles.
The minute you stop, then it's so easy to never return. Don't stop. If you write, keep writing. If you teach, keep teaching. Keep doing whatever it is you believe you're supposed to be doing. Snag a tool from the list above and get crackin'.
History shows, showing up has always been the better choice. I see you. Chin up. You've got this!