What's Holding You Back and What You Can Do About It

Classic self-sabotage

I was on the phone with a woman who had quit her job and was doing everything she knew how to create her own business. Like EVERYTHING, she left no stone unturned. But it just wasn't taking off. 

She told me how she got a call from a potential client and when she listened to the message she could tell this person wanted and needed immediate help.

She thought she could get away with not calling back right away because of the Thanksgiving holiday. When she eventually did call back the following week, the potential client had already gotten her needs met elsewhere.

Fascinating right? Here we have a woman in need of clients. A potential one CALLS HER! Literally, that voicemail sat in her messages, she held all the cards, and in the end she acted on it too late. 

But why? Let's take a closer look.

Breaking down where it all went wrong

1. What she heard in her head?

As this woman, let's call her Claire, listened to the voicemail, she heard this potential client explain what her specific problem was (and it was complex), and how she needed immediate help. But Claire was already listening to something much more compelling. 

Inside Claire's head another dialogue was hard at work and it sounded something like this, "Hmmm, that's sorta beyond what I do with my clients and outside the scope of my work. I'm not sure...I'm probably not the right fit. I could see why she called given where she got my name, but really?!? I don't know. I'm so busy getting ready to travel for Thanksgiving, I'm not sure I'll have time to get back to her."

These were Claire's initial thoughts. But guess what? We all have thoughts, but we are not our thoughts. 

It bears repeating, we all have thoughts, but we are not our thoughts. A lot of people go through life thinking that they are their thoughts, and you might be one of them. And that's cool, we aren't really trained any other way but this singular way. So I get it. 

The reason I point this out to you is this, you'll have about 80,000 thoughts in a day, and 90% of them you had yesterday. That gives you about a 10% chance of having an original thought that propels you into the future, over the 90% likelihood that you'll remain stuck in the past. Are you willing to play those odds? 

We just looked at Claire's thoughts, they aren't all that original. They are filled with doubt, rationalizations, reason, and excuses. We do this with eating, going to the gym, grocery shopping for the week, cleaning, creating something new, having new ideas, getting new jobs, and on and on. 

The more weight you give the thought, the harder it becomes to tell where the thought ends and you begin, the more likely it will control your mood, behavior, and choices. What if there was something totally original you could do with that thought, and what if it was wicked simple?

2. What she told herself in response to her thoughts?

The next thing Claire did was respond to her thoughts. In this case, she went with the story that she wasn't the right fit and that she didn't have the time, it was the holidays after all, and she waited to call back after Thanksgiving, four days later. And no surprises here, the potential client had already gotten the help she needed elsewhere. Claire was left in the dust. 

Remember, Claire had left her job. She had taken this leap that she would be able to build a private practice through her sheer will, determination and through precise actions. When those labors didn't produce fruit right away she lost faith, and it was that resulting lack of faith that lead her down the slippery slope of listening to her self-sabotaging thoughts. 

She believed them so much that they had now manifested into actual proof, she lost this potential client, and that solidified her doubts that she didn't have what it took to grow a business doing something she loved and was naturally good at. 

3. How she felt afterwards.

I'm sure you can imagine how she felt without me filling in the words, but I'll do it anyway. She felt defeated, hopeless, frustrated, afraid, confused, and sad.

How to turn your thoughts on their head

What would it be worth to you to stop doing this to yourself? What could you get done in your life if you saw this nonsense coming and could act instead of react? 

What could Claire have created in her life if she recognized her thoughts as just that, thoughts, and instead chose differently?

In this scenario, Claire would still think all the same crap, but this time she would know that she is so much more than just her thoughts. The same lousy thoughts that we all have. Instead, this time Claire decides to own all that she does know, her mastery in her field and at the same time she lets go of needing to know the potential client's solutions. 

She picks up the phone, calls this woman back and makes a new connection. Claire listens to her concerns and decides she knows someone else or has another resource she can share that are better suited to this client's problems. As opposed to hiding behind the guise of the holiday, she honestly says, "I'm not who you're looking for, but I have some ideas for you."

Now the potential client feels supported, like someone cares, someone heard her, bothered to call her back the week of a major holiday and offered some helpful advice. Now imagine how both of these women feel after this experience? What possibilities exist for both of them that weren't there in the first scenario?

What could change for you?

If you could get to the root of your excuses, get to the bottom of the choices you make and why you make them, and discover the source of all those bad feelings you would literally be holding the keys to your new life. 

What are you waiting for?

Check these out

If you're curious what this magic is I speak of, here's a couple of ways you can check it out.

  1. Schedule a Break FREE session with me and get yourself unstuck. You'll figure out exactly what your pattern is and how exactly you can turn it around. 
  2. Take my class called Exploring Your Shadow. Learn how to exercise your awareness muscles, how to notice those thoughts and to catch yourself when you choose something that takes you further away from what you say you want, before those bad feelings creep into your life. 

Either one is going to get you results right away. Magic will unfold, people in your life will change, you'll return that call instead of letting it go and things will unfold that will propel you forward, closer to your dreams. And it will all be because you chose to figure this stuff out, right now, for good.